the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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