I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
