Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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