I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
