im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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