Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
