my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
