well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
