You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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