Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
