Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
