also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
