just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
