trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
