So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
