i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just want nice things and good sex
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
