So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
