Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
