i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
