why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just invented taco cereal.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
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