Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
