Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
