If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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