I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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