You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think people are normalizing furries
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
