she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
