He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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