He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
