i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Randomize
