just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
