really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize