Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
