two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
