So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
