Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
