i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
