love makes seman taste better
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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