i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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