What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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