One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
