so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Randomize
