i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
