So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Vodka?
Forever.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
