Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Randomize
