Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
someone owes me an orgasm
We need to rekindle our bromance
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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