New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
