i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
