so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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