i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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