Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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