it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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