so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
