According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
