Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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