Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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