Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
