So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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