People with herpes should wear stickers.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize