i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So squirting runs in the family.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
