I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
