i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
