I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
