God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
