at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
