Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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