I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
