The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
jump out the window naked night went bad
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