You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
