I just saw a hot homeless man
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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