my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
