His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
