You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
